As I said in the previous writing, the five months in Bulgaria were the most powerful in terms of meditation.

One night in my brother’s place, I had meditation which took me to the “place” of the Thing which Is, but which does not know anything except its existence.

That is the answer of thousands and thousands… and thousands of years Eastern deception about The Thing, which they call That.

Let me start with the meditation…

Normally my meditations are not long.
The true meditative state for me is between ten seconds to not more than two minutes.
That is the period in which I am not myself, but the One That I Am.
Sometimes it is me, but talking with the One That I Am.

In few of my earlier meditations I could feel that I’m left alone in a “space” where nothing exists. It is not really space, but rather I (me) left without observing knowledge. Not that there is something to observe…
The observation is not in the objects out of you, but in the thoughts which are judging (perceiving) the objects.
Well…, in the meditation I don’t have thoughts, but deep in my subconscious there is knowledge about the moment.

In that meditation it was different.
I went out of the world, and ended up in NOTHING.
Even knowledge doesn’t exist “there”.
The only existing thing is me, whose knowledge is lowered down to “I exist”.
There is nothing to wave, to move, to differ.
In Difference Knowledge is born.
Therefore, I was without Knowledge.
I was clear me.
No movement = no difference = no time
I lost the thoughts, I lost the time, I lost the world, I lost everything and I was left only with my feeling of existence.

I wouldn’t know how long (in universal time) I was like that if I did not here: “He is (here) like that, more than 120 minutes”

Few seconds later I was back in the bed, but… I did not know who I am…
I was lying in the bed trying to remember who I am.
It was strange feeling… until my name came in my thoughts: “I am Nikolay!”

Some of my meditations I take as given answers, some of them I don’t consider as important, although all of them are important.

This particular meditation I did not put in the important ones, but later I understood why it was given to me.

I don’t try to understand with my knowledge nothing from the life that goes trough me .
I already know that the knowledge of the others is not mine, and I MUST NOT take it by word.
Not that I don’t trust people – on the contrary: I am man with great trust in the people, but other’s people feelings are not mine, therefore I must put my tooth in the fruit.

Many Searchers had the same meditation that I shared with you.
Many, many, many… many years ago someone said something about this meditation, and dibbled whole for weed.
Since then the East is sending its “enlightened” people in the Thing that knows nothing about Birth and Life.
And the West is left alone in the battle with the ignorance.

The Absolute is not God.
God Knows Him Self.
He knows that He is One thing which contains two natures in itself – Body (Universe) and Conscious (Spirit).

The Consciousness is not any better, if it does not know the existence of the Universe.
Consciousness is not knowledge about the self, but the “place” where the Knowledge “I Am” is born.
(The “consciousness” word is not the right explanation about it. It is Being… More close is to explain it as unconscious mind, which can feel its existence.)
It is The Thing that gives Life, but knows nothing about birth and life.
It is Source – the spring that does not know about the river.

In other words: One is not God, if he knows about his existence, without knowing his essence.
Only God Knows Him Self.
God Knows Him Self not as EXISTANCE but as Essence.

The material “knowledge” is not any different than the existence, which That Thing has as “knowledge”
The matter knows its existence ONLY.
That Thing knows its existence ONLY.
In fact, matter has the information about other existence while That Thing, does not know the existence of the matter, which makes matter more “evolved” in knowledge.

God knows both His parts.
He can clearly see them and control them.

God is The Son, born from the interrelations between the male (Spirit) and the female (Matter)
The Son is who brings together the two parts of the Absolute and fills them with the Understanding (of) “I Am”.
The “I Am” Understanding is not the “I exist” feeling.

“I Am” implies “I Know Who I Am”
“I exist” implies “I feel my existence”

I feel uncomfortable to stop here…
Every thing that I said above is (not) exactly what it is.
Please do not take it as a CONCRETE meaning.
You may get it wrong, and pass it wrong.
Actually you can not get it if you don’t have it!